'Since people can’t seem to stand being left in suspense, I have spent the majority of my life answering that same dumbass question, 'What are you?'' …
"Being an introvert essentially means you can do anything you want—avoid people, ignore phone calls, cut short small talk—and blame your introversion."…
"I took the time to look up how to spell “douche canoe”(it turns out there’s no strict consensus) because that’s how important I think this point is."…