I have worked in the California cannabis industry for almost nine months now, which is enough time to either bring a person into this world, or a lot of knowledge into it.
One of the best parts of my job is trying to guess what type of weed customers are looking for before they tell me, but I also love talking with them and finding the medicine that best suits their personality.
After matching customers to strains for nearly a year now, I’ve gotten pretty good at pairing people and weed online. So, here’s what your favorite strain of weed says about your personality.
1. Girl Scout Cookies
You are of the times. Cookies has been around for years now, and I even remember the name floating around when I was in high school. It was the next big thing, and in San Francisco, Cookies SF or Berner’s Club have the best cut around.
It’s a great strain: tasty, not too heady, sedating but not stupefying, and easily crossed with other plants. Buuuut, it’s getting old. Also, people who smoke it tend to ONLY smoke GSC or its close relatives, which is a shame.
2. OG Kush
You must go into the forest and pine needles. That, and you must like the best of both worlds, because OG Kush is such a complex, far-reaching plant at this point.
Depending on who you ask, and where in California you ask, OGK is categorized as, and displays characteristics of, both sativas and indicas. It’s also always a good time.
3. GranDaddy Purple
No one smokes GDP anymore! Literally no one is really growing it unless it’s in a cross. Lavender Goo, a hybrid of Af-goo and Lavender, is the only purple we carry consistently. If you’re looking for GDP you’re either old-school, an insomniac or just nostalgic.
4. Lamb’s Bread
You are loyal, kind and consistent.
Lamb’s Bread is rumored to be Bob Marley’s favorite weed. It’s also one of my favorite flowers as well. It’s a sativa that beckons art and inspiration. Some of the best essays of my life have been written with the help of Lamb’s Bread.
It doesn’t exacerbate anxiety or heart palpitations, but it doesn’t sedate you into silence. No weed is one-strain-fits-all, but this one comes close. If you’re rolling this up, you have a good head on your shoulders.
5. Fruit Strains (Blueberry, Banana Kush, Strawberry Cough, etc.):
Consider these the bud equivalents of cocktails. They’re delicious and they work, but they’re still pseudo-feminized. If you’re smoking ‘em, you like to have fun.
6. Whatever Strain the Budtender Recommended
Totally a safe bet! Shows that you are humble and willing to learn. Plus, because I want everyone to get the same pain relief, sleep help, mood stabilizer, or munchie-inducer that I did, 90 percent of the time my recommendations are from the heart. I’ve yet to receive negative feedback.
7. High-CBD Flower
You are truly evolved. You have freed yourself from the shackles of THC and are getting back to the root of it. CBD is a cannabinoid that, unlike THC, is not psychoactive, so the “high” you experience is kind of like popping a huge Advil.
It targets your body, like your lymphatic system, and has anti-pain, anti-inflammatory and anti-anxiety properties. Studies have shown it also inhibits the growth of tumors. It’s been slowly breaking ground at my club over the last year as more and more people become aware of its benefits. Good on you!
For those looking for weed but not looking to smoke, I’ve got food for thought for the lot of you!
8. Gummi Edibles
You are calorie conscious and you don’t like to wait too long before you’re off your ass. There’s a nostalgic quality in those that eat the medicated version of their childhood snack.
9. Baked Good Edibles
You have a death wish. You knew you weren’t supposed to eat that much of the brownie but you did anyway. Maybe you hate your job and like astral projection.
10. THC Lean
You like to stunt!
Essentially, a company are mixing incredibly strong amounts of THC (500-1000mg) with a thin syrup (like agave) and selling it in a codeine-esque bottle, which people then buy to consume. Maybe time to stop watching so many music videos.
If your tolerance is high this is a viable option, though there are far more affordable, low-glycemic options out there.
These are not the vapes you see people competing in competitions with on the internet. These are low watt battery “pens” with cartridges of CO2-extracted THC oil that test anywhere from 45-70 percent THC, and that’s just the brands we carry.
On top of that, they are vastly more discreet than lighting a joint in the park. Also though you’re probably kind of a dweeb (me included).
Okay I used to think dabbing was so unnecessary and took away from the significance of the plant and what weed is all about in its natural state. But frankly I’ve been indoctrinated and I see the light now.
If you’re dabbing, you’re a long time smoker: you understand the science and the medicine behind it (usually). You have hashy lungs and you want to be as high as possible in as little time possible.