A carefully cut-out face in the background with two meals in the foreground. Pairs of shoes or hands, leaving the rest of one’s body up to imagination. Shadows that reveal silhouettes, but not any other identifiable features. All these images are examples of soft launching, aka the subtlest way to hint at one’s relationship status. Long gone are the public spectacles of relationship status updates on Facebook and Instagram posts filled with long professions of love. Instead, many social media users are shifting into a new era of privatization and authenticity through soft launching their romantic relationships instead.
The Unspoken Rules of Soft Launching
Typically, individuals who soft launch will post photos of their significant others without revealing their partner’s identity or social media accounts. To do this, users will deliberately crop out faces, only hinting at their partner by revealing elements of them: a hand, arm, elbow, shoulder, etc. There are even ‘story post ideas’ or ‘couple poses’ that cover the face of one’s significant other for this purpose. Moreover, one will ominously exclude their partner’s social media account, choosing instead to tag the picture’s location or even include a romantic song. Typically, soft launchers do not include any distinguishable traits of their significant other in an effort to anonymize them.
Jenna Fisher, who specializes in digital marketing, notes a gender difference in soft launching. She theorizes that women usually post photos during a restaurant date, concealing their significant other’s face and tagging the restaurant’s location instead of their partner. In contrast, she believes men commonly post a picture of themselves and will tag their partner in the photo or description. Despite these differences, both instances similarly avoid revealing the status of one’s possible romantic entanglement.
Testing the Waters
Why do people choose to soft launch their relationships instead of flaunting them? Originally, soft launching was a marketing term that brands used to tease images of future products in order to test out their popularity and build anticipation for their release. In the world of social media, soft launching one’s romantic status similarly intends to test out being a couple while in the early stages of a relationship. In case the relationship does not work out and the couple breaks up, individuals do not have to be embarrassed or ashamed of outsiders knowing of their relationship’s demise. By anonymizing their significant other, they can move on from them peacefully without drawing even more drama and attention to themselves.
Victoria Paris, a famous Tik Tok influencer who deliberately conceals her girlfriend’s identity in her videos, explains that soft launching is a way to not “keep [her] partner a secret, but … be able to share in a more conservative way and learn from [her] past mistakes.” For social media stars and non-influencers alike, social media adds a level of pressure on a relationship that can be avoided through the act of soft launching.
Private, But Not Secret
Social media trends have shifted from the publicity of love confessions and showing off one’s significant other to a new era of authenticity and privatization. The ‘Casual Instagram’ trend, finstas and BeReal showcase a more candid mode of living. It’s more appealing to be effortlessly cool about one’s relationship status instead of publicizing it.
Moreover, soft launching is a safe way for individuals to indicate their romantic status without the scrutiny and judgment of others. Couples are under pressure to constantly appear perfect, loving and happy when they’re together on social media and in public. Having a “private, but not secret” relationship means demonstrating you’re in a relationship without publicizing it. This ensures that one does not potentially cross their significant other’s boundaries and keeps their shared intimacy private.
The Blurred Lines of Attention
However, at what point does soft launching become a cash grab for attention? YouTubers Ashley of YourMomAshley and Kelly Wakasa initially met when living together in a content house along with other creators. Viewers who noticed their chemistry would comment and speculate on the status of their relationship, whether it was truly platonic or a budding romance. Eventually, Wakasa posted a video titled “Asking my ROOMMATE on a DATE!,” which seemed like an obvious indication that the pair had romantic feelings for one another.
Despite the pair’s clear romantic tension in some of their later videos, Ashley and Wakasa continued to only label each other as “roommates.” For Wakasa, videos involving Ashley labeled as his “roommate” would garner at least a million views, with his most popular video to date being “Telling My Roommate I Have a Crush on Her.” The mystery in the question of ‘are-they-really-dating-or-not” has captivated the YouTubers’ viewers, allowing them to garner more attention than if they were to clarify their romantic status from the beginning. In such cases, one questions whether soft launching is an attempt to avoid attention or inflate it through viewers questioning their relationship status.
To Soft or Hard Launch
The soft launching of relationships is an interesting phenomenon that is becoming increasingly popular on social media. Interestingly, the privatization of relationships through soft launching can garner as much attention as openly displaying one’s affection. Ultimately it is up to the couple themselves to discuss their boundaries for how public they want to be with their relationship. Social media can influence and pressure couples to post each other — leading to even more scrutiny and potential anxiety about publicizing their romantic status. Perhaps the popularity of soft launching is a positive shift away from glamorous and unrealistic acts of PDA. As Sarah Louise Ryan views it, soft launching allows couples to “focus their energy on” their relationship, which is “a healthy approach to forming something real and long-lasting.”
