You watched your best friend, someone you would do anything for, move from having a crush to officially dating a person they are obsessed with. Your first instinct is to be happy for your companion, but sometimes you do not share the same sentiments for your friend’s significant other.
Whatever qualities about the new boo that annoys you, try to keep calm; I’m here to help you navigate dealing with your friend’s latest plus one.
Don’t Lie to Yourself
It may be hard to admit at first, but you may be feeling a bit of jealousy. Before you get defensive, hear me out.
You may have gotten used to you and your friend living the single life together and the amount of attention your friend gave you. However, it is important to remember that when your friend starts dating someone new, their relationship might enter areas that used to be designated for the two of you.
Your relationship with your companion might be changing; instead of being honest with yourself, you redirect your worries onto your friend’s significant other. If this is the case, don’t put your frustration on the new person. Be honest with your bestie about how you are feeling and reveal your insecurities. No one can read minds, so be open about your fears.
Give a Friend’s Significant Other a Small Grace Period
There is a lot riding on first impressions, and sometimes a person’s nerves cause them to come off a certain way when they meet a new group of people, especially the friends of their new partner. You are the one with the expectations that they struggle to fit; it is a lot of pressure for a person to handle.
They might tell corny jokes or give one-worded answers, but if this newcomer treats your bestie well, give them a break at the beginning. You can’t effectively use one encounter to truly understand who they are, so don’t roast them after one meeting. Instead, make them feel welcome so that you can build a better understanding of who they are and how they treat your friend.
Understand What Issues Are Worth Bringing Up
After getting to know your friend’s significant other, they may have annoying characteristics that still annoy you, or they just annoy you in general. If this happens, it is important to be able to identify superficial attributes and let those things go.
Remember, you are not in a relationship with them. If you guys don’t share the same love for the gym or they are one of those weird people who enjoys destroying a pizza by putting pineapple on it, don’t stress out. You don’t have to deal with that disgraced pizza, so just roll your eyes and keep it moving.
One of my friends used to date a guy who chewed with his mouth open, and no matter how disgusting I find that habit, he treated my friend like royalty, so I can’t complain too much about it. If your friend is happy, don’t make a mountain out of a molehill or you will look petty and envious.
Occasionally, you might notice red flags waving and for the wellbeing of your confidant, you have to speak up. When behavior such as physical, emotional, verbal or controlling tendencies, constant cheating or other harmful acts appear, it is time to have a real talk with your friend.
Yet, it is important to remember not to hit your friend with a 100-page list of reasons why they have to break up with their sweetheart or they might get defensive and not listen to what you have to say. Instead, put the focus on them; mention negative changes you have seen in them and share your concerns with them.
Reassure them that you only want the best for them and be there to support them. Be patient with them because, in some cases, it might take them a while to see a problem you see clearly.
Don’t Give Unwelcomed Advice
No one likes when someone shares an opinion nobody asked for on a personal matter. Wait until a comrade asks you what you think about their new flame or about a particular situation before voicing your opinion. Support your thoughts with the information they have previously mentioned to you so that they don’t think you are acting trivially.
There may be moments when your friend doesn’t want your thoughts; instead, they just want to vent. Your only job is to listen and help them sort through their thoughts and possible solutions. Make sure you ask your pal how they want to proceed and frame your answer based on their response.
Avoid the Drama of Talking About Them Behind Their Backs
When you don’t like a friend’s significant other, it may be hard to resist the urge to unleash all of the negative sentiment you have to a mutual friend or unrelated third party. Venting to another person can create unnecessary drama and this only makes you look vindictive. Worst of all, it might cause you to lose a friend over an issue that can easily be avoided.
One of my friends, (I’ll name her Selena) didn’t like her sister’s ex-boyfriend, and she tried not to talk unfavorably about him when her sister wasn’t around. Coincidentally, Selena went on a date with someone who she didn’t realize is friends with her sister’s boyfriend, and she found out that the boyfriend constantly complained to his friends about her.
If you find out your friend’s significant other is talking about you to a third party, don’t respond by subtweeting them on Twitter (no matter how perfect the tweet sounds in your head). Instead, be like Selena and be the bigger person. Bring the situation up to your bestie and let them know that this type of behavior is not acceptable.
By taking the high road and not stooping to a low level, your actions elevates your character. A true friend will not allow for this action to continue, and if they do, maybe it would be best for you to distance yourself from them.
Your partner in crime will not always date someone you think is worthy of their amazingness, and no matter how much you may want to, you can’t control who your bestie dates. As their ally, your job is to support them after they make mistakes.
Relationships, especially with the douchebags everyone hates themselves years later for dating, will teach you about yourself, and you have to allow your confidant to navigate through the pricks and losers to figure out what is good for them.