My last relationship was a game changer for me.
When it comes to guys, I had always been the cool, passive type. I wasn’t much of a nagger and definitely wasn’t the stalker type that investigated my boyfriend’s Facebook page or needed to know his every move—but then, I met him.
It’s safe to say that my ex boyfriend came into my life and swept me completely off my feet. You know those fairy tale relationships that seem to only exist in movies? I was experiencing that in real life and honestly couldn’t get enough.I slowly began to notice my obsessive girlfriend symptoms about three months into the relationship. Our infatuation phase was slowly dying down and my prince charming wasn’t so “prince-charmey” anymore.
He seemed distracted while we were together, was spending more time with friends and less time with me, and almost always had his phone in his hand, which low-key drove me insane. His phone calls in front of me were rushed and short, which was pretty suspicious. I became curious but didn’t have the balls to even suggest that he was up to something. This was my fairy tale, remember? I couldn’t ruin it by being what I was already becoming: crazy.
I started checking his social media pages on the regular but could never find much. If sitting next to him, I would try to read whose name was popping up on his screen.
Every time he left the room, I was faced with a tingling urge to sneak a peek through his phone. Not necessarily because I didn’t trust him, but because I needed confirmation that our relationship wasn’t too good to be true, and that the changes in his behavior weren’t as serious as I thought. I wanted to see with my own two eyes that I had nothing to worry about.
One night, we were on the way home from dinner. We stopped at a Walgreens on the way, but I decided to stay and wait in the car. After he went inside the store, I noticed an irresistible opportunity. He had left his phone in the cup holder. Jackpot!
Of course the phone was locked, but this was no issue for me. All those times I had looked over his shoulder or casually glanced at his phone screen had paid off. I already memorized and programmed his password in my head just in case I encountered the exact moment that was happening.
His messages, of course, were the first and most important stop on my phone tour. Pictures were intended to be the second, but I didn’t even make it that far after what I saw.
I scrolled through his thread and didn’t see many female contacts except for a few girl friends that I had already known about, and the conversations seemed harmless. I was relieved. However, I couldn’t just stop there, because an opportunity like this might never have come again.
I decided to glance through the messages from his best friend Calvin. Calvin was that “brother from another mother” type of friend and I knew that if there were any secrets I didn’t know about, he probably did—so it had to be something good in there.
As I opened the messages, I was immediately thrown off by the excessive use of emojis. Heart eyes, smiley faces and kissy faces were everywhere.
I began to read and started to regret ever picking up the phone in the first place. Confusion and disbelief smacked me dead-ass in the face as I realized they were flirting. My boyfriend and his male best friend were flirting with each other.
I didn’t have much time before he would probably return to the car, but thank God and Apple for screenshot. I took as many pictures as I could, sent them to myself, and deleted the evidence of doing so. I put the phone down exactly as I had picked it up and tried to act as normal as possible, despite my pounding heart and uneasy stomach.
Once he dropped me off at home, the tears came and I began to strategize on how to confront him. Not only was he cheating, but he could possibly be lying about his sexuality. My fairy tale was obviously a nightmare in disguise.
I read the rest of the messages I had taken pictures of. There wasn’t anything too bizarre, but it was apparent that these two had a thing. I remember reading, “Are you coming over tonight?” and thinking of all the extra time he was spending with “his boys.” This man deserved a Player of the Year award for having me completely and utterly fooled.
Nothing was making sense, so I mustered up the guts to confront him because I definitely couldn’t sleep without addressing it that same night.
By this point, my shame for invading his privacy was gone because I needed answers and I needed them now. I called and said the four words men hate to hear, “We need to talk.”
He came over my house and I went out to sit in the car. I asked him if there was anything he needed to tell me (giving him the chance to confess before I went off on his ass) and of course he replied “no” in blatant confusion.
I told him I went through his phone and that I saw the messages with Calvin and that he had explaining to do. We sat in silence for 10 seconds that felt like forever, before he finally said, “Well, I’m not gay if that’s what you’re thinking.”
It turns out that “Cal” was his ex-girlfriend that he obviously was still dealing with while dating me. He admitted to saving her number under his best friend’s name to basically cover his ass if I got curious or caught on to his game. Seriously, someone get this man an award right now. MVP, for sure.
As mad as I was at him, I was more mad at myself for being just as sneaky and going through his phone. I was also extremely embarrassed for not having my story right. Even though going through his phone revealed something I needed to know, it caused much more conflict and confusion than an honest conversation would have.
Relationships can definitely feel like a full-time job, but private investigation isn’t a part of the job description. Facebook stalking, Twitter peeping and phone searches cause way too much anxiety. Take it from someone who had to learn the hard way.
That night in the car was the last time I’ve seen him, and like any 3-month trial, it was good while it lasted. After a few tears, glasses of wine and Drake albums, it’s safe to say I’m over the douche bag.
To the crazy girlfriends out there that are faced with that burning desire to check your man’s phone and find something juicy, my advice is not to. If something seems a little sketchy, your best bet is to be honest with your partner about how you’re feeling instead of looking for answers on your own. Besides, cheating takes a consistent energy that most people aren’t cut out for—they’ll eventually get caught anyway!
To the cheating boyfriends, if you want to hide your side-chick or ex-girlfriend from your current one, I may have just provided you with a solid method of doing so. Just save her name under your best friend’s and hope to God she doesn’t catch on.