For those questioning gender identity, college is the perfect time to experiment with gender expression and utilize on-campus resources and support.
Being in your early twenties is confusing. There’s school, work and career questions, compounding on a period of personal discovery. Many students face the question of whether or not to “reinvent” themselves before arriving at college orientation. Generally, reinvention is viewed as trying out new activities and sports, enrolling in classes away from established comfort zones or experimenting with different clothing styles. For some students, though, the idea of reinvention and who they want to be is more complex.
Away from home, possibly for the first time, some students realize they’re not sure whether they really identify with the gender they’ve been assigned at birth. A 2020 Gallup poll found that 15.9% percent of Generation Z respondents identified as queer or transgender compared to 9.1% of millennial respondents who identified with the same category.
Today’s youth has been called gayer than ever, but on an individual level, it can be tempting to postpone that journey given all the uncertainties that come before exploring gender and sexuality. It is hard to know whether people will accept you and, even if they do, what it will mean for your sense of self and outward presentation.
Would experimenting with your gender wreck your life? What will you say to your parents, to your friends? Such questions are overwhelming to say the least.
But even with all these anxieties that come with questioning gender identity, college is the best time and place to do it.
College is a great time and place for experimenting with gender expression because many campuses have on-campus resources for questioning and LGBTQ+ identifying youth. One such resource is customizable name and pronoun tools. University student portals regardless of region from Northwestern University to the University of Maryland offer widgets to indicate preferred name and pronouns. These widgets allow for students to experiment with different names without requiring the finality of a legal name change. Legal name changes require fees and depending on the state, there can be limited opportunities to reverse the decision.
Widgets often allow for the option to differentiate when pronoun usage is appropriate. This tool can allow for changing up name and pronoun use before even starting class.
Depending on the college campus, universities may have either a center or house on campus dedicated to providing LGBTQ+ resources and programming. These centers can act as a safe space for questioning students who may have inquiries about their gender identity, but have no idea where to start. By going to a center, students can attend a variety of events, get to know other queer students and gain access to other resources such as books and or pamphlets.
Given the cost of experimenting stylistically with fashion, some universities have worked on initiatives for donation-based queer trans clothing closets. They are often based out of university pride centers and are accessible to all students with the aim of supporting queer, transgender and nonbinary identifying individuals. These gender-affirming closets can offset costs by providing access to items including shoes, underwear, dresses, tops and jeans. Queer Closets, such as the one from Marquette University, aim to provide clothes to students because students “perform best with authentic expression.”
Once students are familiar with the resources provided at their school (which can vary based on the institution) there’s still the question of what experimentation can look like and mean. The important thing with gender experimentation is each person gets to decide what it is for themselves.
A common first step is asking close friends and loved ones to try out different names and/or pronouns. A person may be stuck between multiple options for names or pronouns and ask different groups to use alternatives.
If people feel anxiety around trying out new clothes or a different style, it might help to invite friends out to shop. They may have ideas on what might fit or what might feel right. Merely having a friendly face around can help to not feel alone while in an unfamiliar situation. If shopping feels too fast, it may help to create a moodboard to figure out what you like without worrying about breaking the bank or being out in public. If clothes are too much, think about experimenting with hair by going for a cut or trim, dying it or letting it grow out longer than in the past.
Another way to experiment with gender is to get involved with drag.
Drag is all about gender performance and playing with expectations and can provide a space to experiment with gender without real world consequences of coming out. Numerous drag queens, following competing on “RuPaul’s Drag Race”, have come out as transgender. Performers Bosco, Jasmine Kennedi and Willow Pill came out after wrapping up filming of the show’s fourteenth season, highlighting how performing on the show as feminine personas and being around other queer and trans performers helped them accept their trans identity.
Many college campuses offer drag events where students can watch drag queens and kings perform and have the opportunity to compete on an amateur level. Whether a person is performing as a drag queen or a drag king, they can experiment with different styles of clothing, masculine or feminine face contouring, and other makeup such as lipstick, eyeshadow and mascara. If you aren’t stage shy, it is worth looking into if you have an idea of a persona or style you would like to try out on an occasional basis. Crowds at drag shows are very loud and supportive, meaning that even if it doesn’t turn out to be your cup of tea, it can still be a positive experience.
Before choosing to begin experimenting, many have the fear that they may play with gender expression, only to find out they were cis the whole time. Sometimes, that is what happens; people can experiment with their gender and figure out they identified with what was assigned to them at birth the whole time. Yet, coming to that conclusion doesn’t magically make null and void the experience. Experimenting with gender is beneficial for cisgender and transgender people alike. It leads to a better self-understanding of gender identity and expression. An individual can go about their lives knowing how they want to express themselves and what makes them feel good and confident. Reaching that place while in the midst of a very confusing time in life is something to be proud of accomplishing, not something to avoid out of fear that it’s “a phase.”
