On September 17, I’ll be moving in to my new apartment with two people I’ve never met before. As exciting as the college experience can be, with its drunken nights, lasting new friendships and avenues of self-exploration, it can also be terrifying.
The other side of being in college and living with people you’ve never met before is a dark one, full of fights, borderline-psychotic behavior and a clear lack of communication. I have yet to meet my new roommates, but based on my email communication with them so far, or lack thereof, I’m a bit concerned I may be headed down a path I can never escape. One roommate never responded to my introductory email, and the other…well, I wish he hadn’t.
He opened the email nicely by introducing himself, then proceeded to say that he still has night terrors that cause him to scream in his sleep. After recommending I bring earplugs, he ended the email with a smug “lol,” leaving me to contemplate the next year of the lease I just signed.
Am I going to wake up to hair-raising screams every night? How many melatonin pills am I going to need to take to completely knock out to sleep through the night terrors?
I still have so many questions, but decided to remain positive and thought: “Hey, it can’t be that bad!” So I searched and searched and came across a list of the twenty-one worst college roommate horror stories compiled by the wonderful people at “Buzzfeed.”
I summarized some of my favorites that made me feel better about my own roommate situation to share for anyone else who needs to know that it could be worse.
1. The Procrastinator
A girl named Jill had a roommate who was a notorious procrastinator and would put everything off until the very last minute, including a final project.
When she realized there was no way she would finish the project on time, she decided that she would flood their entire dorm room as an excuse that her project wasn’t finished so she could receive an extension.
Luckily for Jill, their other roommate talked her out of it and was able to avoid that disaster, but resorting to that level of desperation is a sign of a serious procrastination problem.
2. The Next Horror Movie
Lydia had a roommate that was already a bit crazy, but found out she was completely insane when she found a voodoo doll of herself hanging out of her friends backpack. Just imagine that.
Realizing that the person you live with, who you already suspect is crazy, has a voodoo doll of you and may secretly be the cause of those weird stomach pains is not an integral part of the college experience.
3. The Vomit Hose
Tina’s freshman roommate had a bed that was higher than hers and was across the room. One night, right before she was about to fall asleep, Tina’s roommate sat up, aimed toward her and vomited across the room onto her bed where she was lying.
For the next two days she continued to puke all over their floor and partially into a trash can, refusing to clean up either.
I guess it’s not all her fault though; Tina should’ve read the signs of months of unwashed clothes and the fact that her roommate slept on a sheet-less bed for most of the year. I’m guessing because she’d rather not sleep in her own vomit, but doesn’t mind if her roommates do.
4. The Soon-to-Be Serial Killer
Lissa once had a roommate who was undoubtedly crazy. For some unknown reason her roommate hated her, and one night the crazy girl broke into her room and stood over her with a butter knife. Lissa, more calm than I would’ve been, told her she was crazy and let it go.
Later that day, while Lissa was leaving for class, her roommate stood at the front door yelling “I’m not crazy!”
I’m not a psychiatrist, but I’m pretty sure that one of the first signs of being crazy is yelling that you’re not crazy. Lissa is one brave soul if she stayed in that dorm another night after that.
5. Hoarding Gone Wrong
Ashley’s roommate was clearly a hoarder, but to her surprise the problem was much more disturbing than she originally thought. The roommate stored trash and dirty dishes in her drawers, but Ashley once opened a cabinet and found that the hoarder had been keeping her used period pads in a towel.
I told you it was disturbing.
6. Bon Appétit
Buzzfeed user snjacobs78 had a typical college roommate who did a very peculiar thing. One night, his roommate came home drunk and decided to pee, which is totally normal, but he chose to pee on the stove. Now, drunk behavior is sometimes inexplicable, but even the drunkest people usually have the common courtesy to pee in a corner or at least attempt to make it to the bathroom.
Snjacobs78 went on to say that now every time he or his roommates try to cook anything on the stove the food gives off the welcoming aroma of warm piss. Bon appétit!
After going through this list, it’s safe to say my roommate troubles really aren’t that bad. I can deal with some screams at night as long as I don’t have a crazy roommate breathing down my neck with a butter knife or vomiting onto my bed.
Every time I’m woken up by my roommates’ night terrors, I’ll calmly put my earplugs back in, turn on white noise and look at this list, because it could always be worse.