When people meet a queer woman or a lesbian, they often believe she won’t be able to have children. However, it’s 2018, and there are many ways to conceive a baby without clinging to the belief that a woman must be heterosexual in order to achieve motherhood.
When Kehlani announced her pregnancy recently, people started to question her sexuality. Kehlani identifies as a queer woman, and people on Twitter were labeling her as “lesbian” and questioning her sexuality based on her pregnancy announcement. Lesbian isn’t part of Kehlani’s identity, as it’s not what she identifies as. Even if she did identify as a lesbian, sexual preference is completely separate from child conception. Pregnancy has nothing to do with a woman’s sexuality or how she chooses to conceive a child.
Kehlani responded to those questioning her queer identity by saying, “Imagine thinking queer means lesbian and either means unable to have babies.” The idea that straight women are the only females who can have kids (conventionally) is quite absurd, as we live in a world where science has given people several different methods for conception.
So, why is it that many people believe women have to be straight in order to become a mother? Is it really that hard to believe someone can become a mother while being queer or lesbian?
As Kehlani explained, she chose her best friend to be the father of her baby. No one has to publicly announce how they chose to become mothers, and her perceived need to explain her decision because someone questioned her sexuality is quite bothersome. There are other ways to experience motherhood, even if they’re considered unconventional and aren’t the ways you’re used to hearing about.
Nowadays, you can easily undergo artificial insemination or pay a surrogate to carry your child. Questioning how a woman became pregnant is both insensitive and offensive. They don’t owe anyone an explanation. What if a woman is, or has been struggling to become pregnant? Some women spend months or even years trying to conceive a child.
So, why does it matter if a queer woman is pregnant? There are other options for her to become a mother, and her method of conception doesn’t make her any less of a woman.
Shouldn’t we be celebrating the miracle of life instead of question her method of impregnation?
Queerness doesn’t affect a woman’s desire to have a baby. People don’t question a heterosexual person for wanting a baby, but they’ll question a queer person’s longing for a child based on their limited understanding of queerness.
Kehlani later responded to the hate by saying, “You will never in your entire span of existence be loved, understood, and taken for exactly who you are by everyone you meet. You will never be everyone’s favorite person, or even given basic human respect by everyone. So u better f—ing live your truth before it’s all over.” I think she is very a mature and strong woman who knows herself, and is unbothered by the hate she’s received.
A fan also said on Twitter, “Please, don’t let these dumbasses stress you in any way, take care of yourself and of your upcoming princess. We love you.” Kehlani responded by saying, “Oh baby there is so much more love than hate! And even then the hate is more so confusion from people who just truly don’t want to understand. I’ve let the internet take away some of my best years and that won’t ever happen again. We are so good over here!!!” Although she says that hate doesn’t bother her anymore, there must be people who are affected by this predicament.
I always try to educate myself on matters such as these, and I think that’s the best thing to do, so we help each other make the world a more accepting and understanding place. It’s hard enough for a woman to undergo pregnancy, let alone be questioned about ridiculous things that don’t have a positive outcome.
It’s 2018, and what a woman chooses to do with her body shouldn’t be questioned by anyone. Being a mother is not about sexuality; it’s about loving a human being more than yourself and raising that person to be good and kind. So, what if a person is queer, lesbian or transgender? Their identities shouldn’t define them as a mother.
Kehlani is a successful woman, and whoever is questioning her pregnancy due to her queer identity should really educate themselves. She has enough money to raise 10 children if she wants to. She is being brave enough to share her motherhood journey, as it’s enough pressure for someone who is in the public eye and whose privacy is constantly violated by the paparazzi and the media. We should be celebrating women and motherhood instead of hating on their journey or who they are as a person.
Women can conceive children without being in a heterosexual relationship. Fortunately, thanks to science, we have many options when it comes to pregnancy. Isn’t it wonderful how we’re able form families with we love, no matter who they are?