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If you suspect that they have a secret girlfriend back home, then they definitely have a secret girlfriend back home.

Now, ladies, let’s be completely honest with ourselves, we’ve all fallen for a fuckboy once or twice. Do not try to sit there and lie to me or pretend that it hasn’t happened to you. On the off chance that you have not encountered one of these devil’s henchmen, don’t you worry. You will someday; it’s almost inevitable in our modern society.

They look just like any other guy, but there is something just below the surface that lets you know, usually after you’ve already become attached, that something is not quite right. It may be questionable “date” times, extreme phone privacy or them disappearing without a trace only to come back and say they were “busy.”

Naturally, after some time, their secret will come out. Whether they have multiple other girls they’re stringing along or a secret girlfriend back home (or maybe that one was just me), this asshole has found a way to break your heart. While this is surely not a fun experience, or simple to get over at that, it is possible to move on and become stronger. So, if you are trying to get past a fling with a fuckboy who wasted your time, follow these five bits of advice. Take it from me, girls, I have more than enough experience.

1. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve

Do not make yourself feel bad for being upset over the loss of the relationship. No matter what your friends say, it was probably extremely real to you and it will hurt. Relationships take time, effort and at least a little bit of heart. He may not have committed himself, but that does not mean that you did not commit yourself wholly.

Whether short term or long term, healing will take time. Take a couple days to yourself, whether that means lying in bed watching “The Notebook,” treating yourself to a spa day or chugging bottles of pink moscato while crying in a bubble bath. Nobody is here to judge you or your life choices right now, honey. Whatever it takes to make you feel better or at least back to semi-normal, do it.

2. Delete Him from All Social Media

Assuming that this guy attends the same school as you, chances are that you are going to be seeing him around more than you want to think about. Add the temptation of social media stalking to the mix, and you know this guy will be on your mind more than is absolutely necessary. It may seem obvious to most in theory, but deleting him can turn out to be wildly difficult in practice.

He may be off your mind for a few days or even weeks, but one Instagram post or Snapchat story can send you into a spiral of emotional turmoil. It is definitely best to delete him on any platform possible: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn…whatever you could possibly find him on. It should also go without saying to delete and block his phone number. Drunk texts are dangerous weapons.

3. Have a Night Out with Your Girls

There is something essential and unequivocal to the infamous ladies’ night. Gather up your closest single (or single for the night) friends and prepare yourself for a night like no other. Starting off the day with shopping for your nighttime outfits is a great way to bond and gain advice from all your friends.

Image via RebelsMarket

Following this with a little spa time and definitely getting ready to old throwback girl power songs is a perfect recipe for a wild girls’ night. Whether going to a club or the local dive bar, focus on your friends and having a good time rather than focusing on boys or how you are looking in front of them. Tonight is a night to be stupid, dramatic and every bit ridiculous so it is even more fun to laugh at yourself over hungover IHOP the next morning.

4. Get Yourself Back Out There

Although it is not usually advised to jump back into the dating scene right away, it’s not actually the worst idea. Downloading dating apps such as Tinder or Bumble, or whatever floats your boat, is a great reminder that the dating pool is large and well-varied.

It’s not a requirement to message every guy you see or go on a massive swiping spree, but let’s once again be honest: Getting matched is a huge self-confidence boost, especially if the guy is incredibly attractive. These kinds of little pick-me-ups are great to elevate your confidence and to remind yourself that you are a hot-ass woman, and no fuckboy can ever take that away. Small things like a hot guy smiling at you or a guy buying you a drink at a bar can make you feel badass and invincible.

5. And Finally…Watch Montages of Badass “Game of Thrones” Women

Okay, okay, this one is totally out of left field and extremely specific. But hey, work with me here. Whether you are a “GOT” fan or not, it is almost inarguable that the series has created and set into the world some of the strongest, most kickass women to exist in fantasy fiction. For example, Daenerys Targaryen was torn from her homeland as a baby, sold to a king of savages and is now (by the seventh season) the Mother of Dragons, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Rightful Heir to the Iron Throne…you get the idea.

She has been raped, sold, tortured and generally tossed aside as nothing until now, as she has taken this all and come out the other side as one of the biggest competitors for and threats to the Iron Throne. Almost all of the women in “GOT” are fantastic examples of strong women overthrowing the fuckboys that they encounter. Watching these videos can be used as inspiration to get over the King Joffrey in your life, though he may just be a scummy frat guy instead of a sadistic king.

Even though people generally consider a fuckboy to be an asshole guy who can be identified by his proclivity for relationships that are strictly sexual in nature, in reality, they are so much more than that; they are charming, sexy, funny, caring and seemingly amazing guys. They are often great manipulators with the ability to make even the smartest of girls see past their glaringly red flags. So, no matter how hard you try and how much you seem to outwit them, don’t fret if you fall into their trap. After you dump them and they obviously try to come crawling back, follow the words of Beyoncé: “Tell em, boy bye.”

Writer Profile

Keegan Fornoff

Southeast Missouri State University

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