Is a Friends with Benefits Relationship Right For You?

The pros and cons of having a go-to booty call.
May 1, 2018
9 mins read

Because you’re probably consumed by academics and trying to maintain some kind of a social life, even though you have a sky-high libido, there’s a good chance that you’re tired of having one-night stands with random strangers. You probably want something more accessible, as well as something with a little bit more familiarity, but you don’t want to experience another heartbreak or put someone else through that drama.

As a result, friends with benefits (FWB) relationships have become incredibly popular, as most college students don’t want to deal with the responsibilities of being in an exclusive relationship, let alone the possible heartbreak that may come along with it.

Keep in mind, though, that FWBs can vary widely in terms of what the label entails for the partners involved; they can view each other as friends who have sex with no strings attached, while others opt for a more emotional, yet still restricted attachment that includes messy make-out sessions or just endless hours of cuddling.

As students explore themselves and their sexualities during their college years, some might find that FWBs work perfectly to satisfy their sexual needs. Nevertheless, a friends with benefits relationship comes with its pros and cons, so here are some factors to consider when determining whether an ongoing fling is right for you.


1. Accessibility

Rather than searching for the person who looks the least like an axe murderer at every party you go to, you can just call up your FWB. Unlike a one-night stand, in which you never see the person ever again, you are able to reach your FWB with the shoot of a text and possibly have a quickie depending on their availability.

Besides, if your counterpart constantly flakes or is occupied, you don’t have to necessarily end the relationship. Instead, you can just get another FWB, but of course, the new partner won’t be the same as the other.

2. No Pressure to Impress

Ladies, you no longer have to go to great lengths to search for the cheapest yet sexiest lingerie on the block. When you have an FWB, you won’t need to go out of your way to arouse them since they probably are already interested by the time they called you.

So, whether it’s your ugly sweater or your pajamas, you can wear whatever you would like without feeling the need to impress them.

3. Experiment

Just as with any partner, you can experiment with new positions and role-playing, or even different kinds of lube and flavored condoms, with your FWB. By joining forces with one another, you two can help further each other’s pleasures as well as sexual fantasies. Ultimately, you will be able to discover what you like the most in bed.


1. Feelings May Develop

After creating countless memories (inside and/or outside of the bedroom) and possibly even having several inside jokes with one another, you may eventually start to feel an attachment to your FWB or vice versa. Just in general, spending countless hours or nights together, one of you is bound to develop feelings.

Along with being completely vulnerable with one another, you both recognize each other’s flaws and have come to terms with who they are as a person. You may have even fallen in love with their flaws, as you admire how they carry themselves throughout their life.

Unfortunately, when you catch feelings, your casual sex buddy may not feel the same, meaning your fantasy might not have a happy ending.

Friends with benefits
What’s wrong with having a constant cuddle partner? (Image via TheHealthSite)

So, if you are thinking about having a friends with benefits relationship with your crush or someone you want a future with, your best bet is to doing so because you run the risk of receiving false hope and maybe even delayed heartbreak. Specifically, the ongoing intimacy might just further convince you that you two have a chance, even though the other person may see you solely as someone to have fun with in bed.

However, if all you and your FWB did was have sex in the bedroom and nothing more, you most likely don’t have to worry. Although it is less likely, you may possibly become attached to them since, after all, sex is still an intimate act.

2. Ruin the Friendship

Advancing to a friends with benefits relationship can lead to the end of a friendship, since complications can occur. For instance, when your FWB wants to terminate their end of the deal and return to being friends, you may find it difficult to return to just being normal friends again without the sex or cuddles (or vice versa). Your entire bond consequently becomes a mess, since either you or your FWB wants to continue the sexual journey with the other.

Especially when it’s you who has caught feelings for your partner, it’s easy to start feeling insecure about yourself, believing that you — or your body — are just not good enough, which becomes detrimental to your self-esteem.

3. Eliminate the Incentive to Find a Significant Other

In hanging with your FWB, either before or after sex, the two of you might occasionally have deep conversations or take each other on dates. As a result, instead of searching for a life partner, you might start to believe that you are content with what you have. Basically, even though you are capable of being fully loved by a person who is willing to fully commit to you, you settle.

Whether it’s your fear of heartbreak or your love of the familiar holding you back, you might not feel the need to look for a new partner in crime because you believe that your FWB already fills in that position.

At the same time, the last con can also serve a pro, since not everyone wants to be tied down just yet. For instance, some students prioritize their academics and/or extracurriculars, while others place “looking for a significant other” as one of the top bullets on their To-Do List.

In all honesty, since all students have their own priorities and visions for how they would like to spend their college years, this con might not be a con at all, depending on what you’re looking for.

All in all, friends with benefits are not everyone’s cup of tea. As college serves as a crucial time for young adults to explore and grow, some students may prefer to look for an exclusive relationship while others may want a few FWBs — whichever floats your boat. Just ensure that you and your partner(s)’ happiness prevails.

Ellyot Chen, Pasadena City College

Writer Profile

Ellyot Chen

Pasadena City


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Don't Miss