10 Tips for Having First-Time Sex with a New Partner
ABC's "Grownish" captures some of the confusion and exhilaration of college hookup culture (Image via Her Campus)

10 Tips for Having First-Time Sex with a New Partner

Hooking up with someone new can be thrilling or terrifying, all depending on how well you’ve prepared.

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Hooking up with someone new can be thrilling or terrifying, all depending on how well you’ve prepared.

Excitement, trembling and fear, passion and doubt — how can you not feel such a set of conflicting emotions before having first-time sex with a new partner?

You waited for this, both of you have prepared and have the same desire, and now … because of your bad experiences and possible mistakes, it may not end the way you wanted.

How can you get used to a new sex partner and make your first experience together as pleasant as possible for the both of you?

Here are the ten unwritten, unspoken rules of having sex with a new partner.

1. Choose the right time

The most important thing is to pick the right time: when both partners are ready, want to become closer to each other and take their relationship to the next level.

If the man is too persistent and the girl is not completely sure but agrees to intimacy because she’s worried about losing the man, she is unlikely to enjoy the experience. Therefore, when having first-time sex with a woman, give her the agency to make the decision: having a girl who is confident in her desire is key to having successful first sex.

2. Accept embarrassment with a smile

Mistakes are a huge part of life, especially when it comes to first-time sex. Since sex can require synchronicity, it can be hard to be in tune with someone you’ve never had sex with before. As a result, there’s a good likelihood that something embarrassing or awkward will happen.

When it does, don’t panic or blame the other person. Sometimes a simple smile after a mistake is enough to acknowledge it and communicate that you’re ready to move on; sometimes it’s even best to just laugh at whatever happened. If the slip-up is serious enough, stop, take a second and talk, just to make sure you’re both on the same page.

At all costs though, try to avoid turning the issue into a blame game or an issue of assigning fault. There are always going to be miscommunications in sex, just roll with them.

3. Don’t experiment

Everything comes with experience. It is very risky to start with experiments for several reasons: it might embarrass your partner, shock them, reveal important differences in your sexual habits, lead to conflict or simply be too soon.

If you and your partner have a good experience, there’s a good chance that you’ll have sex again in the future. Bring up experimentation then, but not on your first try. Getting a baseline for your sexual compatibility is critical before you start adding new components. 

4. Talk

Conversation plays a big role for both men and women. A good conversation before and after sex is the key to peace, emotional intimacy and trust.

Especially afterward, when the two of you have shared such a bonding experience, take the time to relax with your partner. There are few things more intimate in the world than good, post-coital pillow talk.

5. Don’t hesitate to give tips

If you have sexual experience, then don’t hesitate to gently advise your partner on what you like and don’t like. If you don’t like something, don’t hesitate to say so or tell them how they could improve.

You can always prepare women for marriage, but it does not mean they are going to be ready for everyday sex or sex at all.

6. Be patient

Despite the experience, don’t show it in full force so as not to “shock” a partner. When you have first-time sex, take the level of physical preparation of each other into account.

As the two of you are still figuring each other out, it’s important not to rush anything; doing so makes it more likely that one of the partners will feel like the experience was less than mutual.

7. Don’t pretend

In sex, no good comes from one partner having to imitate pleasure. Be honest and always tell your partner about what you would like at the moment and how you actually feel.

Nothing feels worse than finding out that your partner has been faking it either, so always feel free to ask if there is anything you can do better as well. If both sides are open about their experience, they share a much higher likelihood of having better sex all around.

8. Control your speed

Don’t forget about foreplay. When having sex for the first time with someone new, you don’t need to act too fast because the entire process may remain invisible (or even be left without pleasure).

Don’t act too slowly or for too long of a time either – the excitement can subside and unpleasant physical sensations may appear instead.

9. Forget about your complexes

In a state of passion, forget about whatever “shortcomings” you may think the person has. When the two of you are in bed, how you feel about each other is more important than anything.

So, when having sex for the first time with someone new, keep everything “bad” outside the bedroom.

10. Don’t forget about consequences

Let’s be brief: don’t forget about contraception, especially when you’re having sex with a new partner. You don’t know what kind of sexual health they have, and it’s better to be safe than sorry. Plus, you definitely don’t want to risk pregnancy, so the smart thing to do is always wear a condom or be on birth control (or both!).

Despite the fact that there are tips that you should adhere to improve your behavior on your first night with a woman, it’s vital that, above all, you remain natural. Sincerity will definitely bring confidence and pleasure.

At the same time, if a new woman is not a candidate for long-term relationships, you have a lot of opportunities to train, improve and perhaps even try on some new role. The main thing is enjoyment! So, once again, be natural and don’t pretend.

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