“Wait, You’re Not Dating?”
I’ve got 99 problems, but a man ain’t one.
By Mykaela Alvey, Anderson University
It seems no matter what your situation, once you get to college you will constantly be asked by family members why you haven’t found an eligible man yet.
Why aren’t you dating someone like your cousin Julie’s boyfriend? So, you got a fella in your life yet? Any boyfriend I need to keep my eye on?
Regardless of how they phrase the question, in the end, what they’re really asking is, Why are you still single? Why don’t you have a boyfriend?
I’m sure they mean well, but who ever decided these questions were okay to ask? Realistically, if I were dating someone my family would likely be the first ones to know, and I probably would have brought the topic up without any prompting.
But maybe you’re lucky enough to have family members who believe getting a real degree is more important than getting your MRS degree, but most people aren’t lucky enough to avoid the intrusive questions during every family holiday, reunion, or Facebook message.
If you are like the many who beat back relationship questions almost constantly, here is a list of responses that might help shut them up. Not every response will work for your situation, but one of them is sure to bring success. At the very least you’ll have enough time to run away and leave a sibling or cousin at the mercy of the family member.
I never said there wouldn’t be collateral damage. It’s every man and woman for themselves.
1. “I’m focusing on being a strong, independent woman.”
There is so much wrong with our culture if you believe you have to be with someone to be happy. If someone is implying that in order to be a complete person you have to be in a relationship, they are dead wrong. You know what? You are strong and you are independent.
You are choosing to learn how to be your own woman before you get involved with a man. You should not have to feel like you have to be dependent on someone else for financial support or security. We’re in the 21stcentury, and a woman can take care of herself if she chooses to do so.
2. “I’m in a committed relationship with food.”
At the very least, your response will make them laugh. And maybe if they’re laughing they’ll forget to ask you about your relationships.
But in reality, food is pretty much the ultimate bae. It truly never leaves your side (see what I did there). Ben and Jerry’s has the ability to get you through any hardship in life just fine. Food is really great at comforting. How could you ever hope to find a real man who is as committed as food?
Especially while you’re in college.
3. “Being single is what the cool kids do now.”
Maybe you’ve tried to go against the flow of the cool kids. But the desire to fit in sometimes overpowers your desire to stand out.
You’re just following the cool kid trend. Being single is what’s hip right now. Don’t they want their daughter/niece/granddaughter to be cool like all of the other college kids? If you’re lucky, they won’t actually be familiar with what’s “cool” right now.
4. “Superheroes are almost always single.”
Generally speaking, superheroes aren’t in committed relationships. Who would have the time, what with saving the world and all? You’re not going so far as to say you’re a superhero. But you’re single and they’re single. Just to put that out there.
Also, superheroes are awesome! Therefore, you must be awesome!
5. “Have you ever been to college?”
There’s a general belief that once you get to college you have three options and can only choose two: homework, sleep and social life. Sorry, but why would you waste so much money just to flunk out? And, similar to most, your bed is probably your best friend. Thus, who has the time for a boyfriend?
Sure, college varies for every person, but free time has likely been scarce for most college students since graduating from high school. If you tried dating someone right now the poor guy would be neglected. Unless he found a library/homework date romantic, you just don’t have the time.
6. “I can’t choose between all of my options.”
Honestly, you’re beating back the advances of men on the daily. If you choose to use this answer, be sure to deliver it with an entirely deadpan face. You have to fully commit. You would have a boyfriend, but there are just too many to choose from. You’d hate to be rude to any of them.
7. “Why aren’t you single?”
Why not answer their question with a question. There’s no better way of showing them how ridiculous their question is than firing a question right back at them. They’ll probably give you some sappy reason why they aren’t single, but trust me, there are plenty of positives to being single you would be able to fire right back
8. “My next boyfriend might propose.”
At first glance this might sound like something positive, but don’t be fooled. At your age, you could get married to the next guy you date. Talk about a lot of pressure! Most people have trouble deciding what they want for lunch, let alone the rest of their lives!
You may not be ready for the pressure, and I don’t blame you.
“9. I’m too picky.”
Having a boyfriend isn’t like picking out an outfit. If you don’t like an outfit, you just toss it in a pile and try again. You’re not exactly able to handle a boyfriend in the same way, so why would you just settle for any man if a month later you’ll realize you’re not really a fan of how he fits you?
You’re just taking precautions in regards to all kinds of heartache. For him, of course.