Being in a romantic relationship can be a difficult endeavor these days; texting, Snapchat and other forms of social media exacerbate the problem. While it might be frustrating when your partner seemingly takes eons to respond to a snapchat or text, it doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is in the danger zone. When a text goes unanswered, some might even prowl through Instagram or Twitter trying to find incriminating evidence of a loved one surfing the web but ignoring a message.
In a perfect world, we all would like to say that we never have/plan to do any of the previously mentioned behaviors, but we’re only human. Discovering the reasons why a partner takes ages to respond and then brainstorming ways to try to undo or cope with these habits might help move toward healthier, less dependent relationships.
1. Your S.O. takes forever to respond or leaves on you “Read”
There are two types of people in this world: people who have been “left on read” and liars. In all seriousness, this can be an irritating experience because it can make someone feel as if their significant other doesn’t want to put in even the smallest amount of effort, which can be annoying considering that typing out a text can be done in under a minute. Before sending out a multi-text dissertation about why an unanswered message or Snapchat is an example of your relationship crashing and burning, take a deep breath and consider the different factors that might be affecting the response time of your significant other.
Unanswered messages are not a concrete sign that you and your S.O. aren’t fated soulmates after all. Here’s a gentle reminder that there are a slew of reasons why your honey might be a bit slow in the response department. Consider that a partner might be super busy with schoolwork, their job, or binging a series on Netflix that has rendered them useless to the outside world.
Relationships shouldn’t form based on the idea that there needs to be constant interaction with a significant other all day or else it signifies that something is lacking in a love life. Read receipts are tricky because they can either be dead useful if they cause no issue, or harmful to a relationship if one partner feels ignored; speaking from experience, I’ve opened messages in the middle of doing something and then have forgotten to respond, so I can understand both sides of the fence. Now of course, if a S.O. is blatantly ignoring their other half, then it’s reasonable to remind a boy/girlfriend that basic communication is a cardinal expectation in a relationship.
Suggestion: Words, baby.
One way to remedy this is a tried and true solution for just about any relationship problem: communication! Humans, myself included, love to overcomplicate the simple. Asking your sweetheart point-blank what the heck is going on with their texting abilities can direct the conversation right to the heart of the problem. Remember to keep in mind that, while we live in a society that expects an immediate response via text, it’s okay to create some space between yourself and a romantic mate. In fact, doing so encourages a sense of independence because both partners can go through out their day and check in when they have important to say or ask. If the idea of read receipts are causing friction in your relationship, then consider turning them off; doing so will give relationships room to breathe because the ‘have to answer immediately’ mentality is not as pressing as before. As they say, when in doubt, talk it out.
2. Tweeting but not texting
This topic is dedicated to the people who decided to say “screw it” to the advice about communicating with their partner and have chosen to use social media to check up on their boo. I can’t harp on this decision because I’ve been there before but we’re trying to remedy these problems, people! Creeping through a S.O.’s social media is problematic for a lot of different reasons, the biggest being that it appears communication between partners is lacking.
Haunting the activity page of your honey looks as though you’re not comfortable enough to talk about problems that might pop up in your relationship, which speaks to how larger issues might be handled down the road. If a mate sending out a tweet but not immediately responding to a text has you in a tailspin, then your problem might be rooted in your overall confidence of the relationship. Feeling secure in both a relationship and romantic partner is key to curbing the desire to snoop through a beau’s recent activity on Twitter.
Suggestion: Think twice before you creep
Don’t. Social. Media. Stalk. I cannot stress this point enough because, more often than not, it’s going to do way more harm than good. We all can agree being that partner who sends message after message, along with screenshots of activity on social media is scary and borderline obsessive. This can also seriously harm a relationship because a S.O. might feel as if their boo is smothering them.
The best way to combat this problem is to nip it in the bud right at the beginning of a relationship; by setting some general “ground rules,” partners understand what is expected of them. One half might think that their significant other should always be in contact with them, while the other dislikes too much texting. By airing out expectations and preferences in the beginning of relationship, lovers can avoid silly quibbles over easily remedied problems.
Being in a relationship requires a lot of trust and a little bit of blind faith, and creeping through a S.O.’s social media doesn’t exactly scream “I have confidence in you/us.” Without sounding too preachy, it can be tempting to check up on your other half on social media, but the overall relationship will thrive without the added sleuthing. The quick and dirty version: Put down the phone and leave the investigative efforts to Sherlock.