A List to Fuel Your Finals Procrastination
When you hit a wall during finals week and really need a break, scroll through Baddie Winkle’s Insta to gain some much needed motivation.
By Olivia Wickstrom, Portland State University
Instagram isn’t just about friends from high school and your grandma that comments on every photo you post.
You can find pretty much anything on the app, from vegetarian dinner recipes to amusing homemade memes. The social media platform is a community, featuring the accounts of bloggers, stand-up comedians and artists. If you want to look beyond your friend group and broaden your horizon in the accounts that you follow, start with these six pleasantly bizarre pages.
1. @breadfaceblog
The first time I came across Bread Face I was so fascinated (and confused), I spent one hour scrolling through the feed watching videos. The account, with over 105,000 followers, features countless clips of the same woman sitting in her apartment smashing her face into loaves of bread. Every video features a different type of bread ranging from bagels to cupcakes to Kaiser Rolls, and the woman is usually dressed in silk tank tops and red lipstick with 80s neon lighting in the background of her apartment.
The account’s “about me” reads, “Giving the people something they didn’t ask for,” but other than that, information on the woman behind the Instagram is scarce. In an interview with “Maxim,” the woman behind the account didn’t state her name, but when asked what gave her the idea to start smashing her face into bread, she said, “I thought it would feel good… and I was right.” It may be the strangest, most nonsensical thing on the internet, but it’s entertaining as hell.
2. @socalitybarbie
We’ve all seen them, those “Instagram-famous” mid-20-year-olds that overuse the hashtags #adventure, #authenticliving and #coffee. Socality Barbie makes fun of these millennial hipsters by striking all the same poses in all the same locations, but with a Barbie. The brunette babe wears a cargo jacket and thick framed black glasses and explores pumpkin patches in the fall and waterfalls in the summer. You can even see her drinking coffee with her Barbie friends at cafes or reading the ever-hip “Kinfolk Magazine” on a weekend morning in bed. Socality Barbie explores the “unique” Instagrams that have become cliché, while poking fun at the hipster identity that has consumed young adults’ social medias. My opinion: If your Instagram looks like Socality Barbie’s, it might not be as exceptional as you think.
3. @baddiewinkle
Baddie Winkle is the grandma you’ve always wanted, but never had. She wears pink fur jackets and shirts that say, “Be a slut do whatever you want!” She has captions that read “On my way to steal ur man in mah juicy tracksuit” and “Savage but I have a golden heart.” And she always has a drink, a cigarette or a hamburger in her hand. The 88-year-old has become an internet sensation, wearing and saying things you’d expect from a teenager. But the Instagram star reminds us that confidence and courage are key, no matter what our age.
Baddie has even become the face and model for “Missguided,” a popular international fashion brand. Her campaign with the company has featured photo-shoots and videos of Ms. Winkle shooting money out of guns, drinking champagne out of a bottle and whipping a girl with a golden cane. Baddie Winkle’s Instagram is entertaining, sure, but more importantly it’s empowering. Baddie reminds us that even at 88 we should always have fun and never think twice.
4. @celebritieseatingthings
This account is exactly what it sounds like: Celebrities eating things. You can see Britney Spears eating a taco in her car, Robert Downey Jr. eating spaghetti outside of a cafe or Will Ferrell eating a hamburger bigger than his head. Not only are all the photos incredibly unattractive, they’re ranked. For example, a picture of Leonardo DiCaprio got a 9.5/10 because “Leo’s concentration is strong as he enters the pickle perfectly straight and upright into his mouth.” But a photo of Bill Clinton eating a hot dog got 6/10 because though there is “pretty good form, double handed grip necessary,” there is a “loss of points for Hilary not joining in on the hot dog indulgence.” Though the feed is ridiculous and pointless, everyone loves to see Obama eating an ice cream cone.
5. @textsfromyourex
If you want to feel good about the shitty breakup you just went through, read Texts From Your Ex. The Instagram features screenshots of actual conversations between exes that are shocking, hilarious and downright embarrassing. Check out the ex-boyfriend who says, “So I’m proposing to my girlfriend and her bishop said I need to untag all the photos of you and me so her dad will be okay with it. Wanna help? There’s a lot.” Or the ex-girlfriend that says “Hey can I talk to you about something real quick?” then sends a picture of her sonogram.
Not only does the account make fun of the insanity that comes over a relationship as it ends, it reminds us not to take this insanity too seriously. Texts From Your Ex gives a boost of confidence and sassy comeback ideas for the recently single Instagrammers and wanna-be single Instagrammers.
6. @miserable_men
Remember in high school when you’d go shopping with your dad or your boyfriend or your grandpa, and they’d sit miserably outside the dressing room while you tried on prom dresses? Well now, there’s a whole Instagram dedicated to that. Miserable Men captures the poor souls that go shopping with wives, daughters and granddaughters in malls across the world. The account features old men sleeping, husbands glaring at their wives or boyfriends sitting outside a dressing room with an armful of hangers.
I know it may be shocking to some of the women out there, but according to men shopping isn’t actually that fun, and this account proves it. While the woman are shrieking over perfect fitting jeans or the amazing push-up bra they found, men are drooling and talking in their sleep. The best part about the Instagram is, you can submit your own photos. By contacting the email address in the “about me” section, you can feature the actual miserable men you see while shopping across the world. So ladies, next time you’re at the mall, remember, it’s about the men too.
