college freshmen
Don't enter your freshman year without knowing these pieces of advice (Image via Global Educates)

It doesn’t require a bachelor’s degree in psychology in order to breakdown the mindset of a freshman. Freshmen are dumb. Plain and simple. No arguments.

Don’t take any offense, freshmen readers. Everyone has to go through the growing pains in order to mature. It takes an abundance of mistakes, missed classes and regrettable drunk texts over a four (or possibly more) year period in order to obtain the essential life skills needed to thrive in the real world post-graduation.

But there’s not a senior who wouldn’t give an arm and a leg to go back in time four years ago and have a chance to relive those ignorant days.

The days of caring, but not caring too much because summer school is always a safety net to save the GPA. The days of having the school meal plan as a luxury to be used at one’s disposal, and not having to rely on the local grocery store, recipes that mom provided and a sub-par college housing kitchen.

The days when the RA was the fun police and also one of the bigger burdens. Dealing with an RA is much more preferable to dealing with a irate landlord because someone in the house hasn’t paid rent on time. Four years of college go by and one becomes wiser. Still prone to make mistakes and drunk text that person they really shouldn’t, but nevertheless, they are wiser.

Any senior who says they aren’t jealous of a freshmen who still has three more years of the best times of their lives ahead of them is lying. But as sappy as those graduating may feel during this bizarre time that is known as graduation season, the soon to be departed can at least offer a bit of advice for those who still haven’t had their optimism threatened with the looming threat of the real world.

Here are 3 things every senior wishes they had known as a freshman.

1. Turn your phone off before going out at night.

Or just put it in a drawer, lock it, throw the key somewhere random in the room and then put a security system on top of the lock that emits a small, electrical shock anytime the lock is tampered with. Or just throw the phone away in the trash and never use it again. Either option will suffice.

Phones are killing in-person interactions. People are too often focused on the frenzies of text messages and sources of social media in front of them to be in the present moment going on around them.

Freshmen year is the pinnacle of these frenzies. Everyone is trying to get everyone else’s number and become friends on Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, etc. in order to establish new friend groups for years to come.

But a smartphone doesn’t have to be the means of forming these connections, especially during a night out. Those drunk pics and Snaps are funny to look at the next morning, but those drunk texts can become haunting.

2. Become a believer in study drugs.

*NOTE: The author in no way condones the use of prescription drugs in an illegal manner and does not encourage anyone to do so. The author also acknowledges that their Bachelor of Arts biology degree is not a qualified enough certificate in order to give medical advice. Any life decision made be the reader is understood to be their own and any potential consequences are thus due to their own decisions.*

Actually, ignore the previous paragraph. Adderall is the studying person’s best friend. However, use it with caution. That paper that got pushed off until the night before isn’t going to write itself. Not a soul on this earth wants to sit down and crank out 1,000 words on a paper that’s only worth 5 percent of the final grade. But alas, it must get done.

Adderall and other ADD medications are becoming prescribed at an alarming rate in America; it’s a dangerous topic. Some may become so reliant on the drug that they can’t function without it.

But that paper still needs to be written. Unfortunately, the paper fairy didn’t show up, and after several google searches, a similar paper was found, but the school’s plagiarism policy is no joke. The class professor is nearing retirement age and constantly asks the class how to use “the google” during lecture — definitely signs of someone who may overlook a recycled paper.

But the guilt of cheating will stick around forever. On the contrary, the use of adderall sticks around for approximately eight hours and makes writing that paper fun. Just be sure to not have YouTube pulled up in another browser while writing — it’s possible to become intensely focused on videos of puppies instead of that paper.

3. Don’t smoke too much weed.

Scholars maintain that the collective use of marijuana, bagel bites and ranch sauce is the leading cause of the “Freshman 15” for many first year undergraduates.

Freshman year is a long, constant struggle of trying to sneakily get high in the dorm hall’s bathroom without getting caught by the RA. For a lucky few, their RA may even accept a “small payment” of THC in order to turn a blind eye to the debaucherous actions of their residents.

Although weed and freshman year go together like peanut butter and jelly, it should be used sparingly. Although there is always the option for summer classes, it should not be an excuse to ignore that paper that is only worth 5 percent of the class grade.

It can be hard to write a paper when friends want to sit on a couch and pass around a bong. The temptation to smoke, watch “Planet Earth” and then make a trip down to the local pharmacy to buy pepperoni bagel bites and a bottle of ranch can test one’s will power.

But take it from the wise seniors. Smoking too much weed during freshman year may lead to a stint in summer school and a slight weight problem. Adderall will ensure that paper gets done and, at worst, may lead to binge-watching “Cute Puppy Compilation” videos on YouTube.

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