If you’re already putting genitals in your mouth, why limit yourself?
By Bettina De Mesa, California State University at Fullerton
On the sexual activity spectrum, sex-crazed maniacs are on one side and conservative prudes are on the other.
I myself identify more with the former, but at a somewhat more moderate level. I understand the whole “saving yourself for one person” idea, but I just can’t shake the fear of marrying someone who’s atrocious in bed. You could go your entire life without achieving a single orgasm, and that’s honestly a life not worth living.
That’s why horizons need to be expanded, or rather spread apart, in college. Feelings need to be explored—whether it’s the baseball player in your lecture or the yoga instructor at 24 Hour Fitness. You can only suppress your urges for so long.
Have you ever walked through campus as everyone’s leaving their class? The opposing traffic forces you to look directly toward a certain person. It could be a guy or a girl, but you find yourself secretly determining whether they’re a total uggo or hot af. Sometimes there’s even a millisecond of eye contact that can incite a raging waterfall in your underwear. That person could be the love of your life or—better yet—a dynamite lay, but you’ll only find out if you go for it.
Who’s there to stop you? Parents? They’re stuck at home trying to reconnect the internet router.
Friends? They want you to get laid! It’s you.
Your sexual identity is up to you to define, and you should be defining the hell out of it right now. Define it with random (safe and consensual) sexual encounters, so that when you do meet your “soulmate,” you’ll know what you like and what you want. Not everyone likes nipple play for instance, which is something I’ve learned the hard way.
The hardest part of trying to experiment is finding someone to experiment with. People have different viewpoints when it comes to exploring their sexual identities and that’s totally okay. All those daydreams about that Shay Mitchell lookalike at Panera Bread probably won’t happen, operative word being probably.
But college is when should try to expand your reaches, not accept them. Lucky for our generation, Tinder, the holy grail of hooking up, puts the entire state’s supply of hotties at your disposal with the flick of a wrist. With such an embarrassment of riches available sexually, it’s easier than ever to learn about what you like and what you don’t.
For instance, I’ve noticed from personal experience that hooking up with someone of the same sex is trippy in the sense that you see double the body parts. Double the boobs, double the penises, double the fun.
If your partner is of the same gender, they most likely know what they’re doing, mainly because they have the same genitals. It makes you think back to tennis practice when your coach would say “Practice makes perfect.” It sure does.
In my experience, the main difference between having sex with guys and girls is how they approach touching your body.
Men are more direct. The porn movies that have been ingrained in their heads are now being unconsciously played out onto you. Hands will roughly touch your tits as well as other parts, and it’s fucking fantastic.
The only thing I don’t understand is why guys have such a fascination with tit jobs.
Frankly, I don’t like a penis tip hitting me in the chin every three seconds.
Women on the other hand are more gentle and caring when it comes to touch. Foreplay is appreciated more, as is the desire to please the other partner.
Not only do you get the physical satisfaction of sex, but the emotional and verbal connection is there for your enjoyment as well. Men and women have different thoughts, needs and desires, and you can explore every aspect of them.
As a woman, I find it easy to connect with other women. It’s easier for me to verbalize my feelings and connect with someone who’s had similar experiences. Men provide a glimpse into the male psyche, which is something I’m not an expert on. My dilemma of what to text the guy I’ve been seeing can be quickly solved by a fellow bro who’ll just say “Text the eggplant emoji and relax.”
Also, different sexes approach life-altering decisions differently, and you need to test your ability to solve difficult situations. For example, let’s say that things go well with your partner and it’s time to meet the parents.
Bringing a new guy home is nerve-wracking enough, but can you imagine bringing someone of the same sex? When the rubber hits the road, you’ll find that your parents will either go H.A.M on your ass or completely surprise you. It’s an experience that will test your ability to adapt to new situations, as well as an unfailingly accurate barometer of your parents’ chill levels.
Ultimately, the goal of sexual experimentation is to eliminate the “what-ifs” that fill your brain before you go to sleep, classic examples of which are “What if I asked Mark out?” or “What if I didn’t have that last piece of gas station sushi?”
The missed experiences and sullied opportunities that lay dormant in our brain—these are the thoughts that make us unable to move on with our lives.
Go ahead and ask out that person you’ve been subtly flirting with for the past year through random encounters. Have sex with a girl or two girls or even a whole concubine of men, but do it to learn about yourself.
I don’t want to sound like DJ Khaled, but there is a method to his madness: The key to success, or in this case love, is to see who is worth loving.