You Are (not) Cordially Invited...

Posted by admin on Wednesday, April 27, 2011

With the royal nuptials pending, there are projections about everything from the dress to where the newlyweds will live in newly pressed marital bliss. While E! News and other news networks of the like have devoted an obscene amount of time to coverage of Will and Kate's hitchin', there is a greater monster than that which obsesses over what flavor of frosting will grace the cake or why Prince William won't be wearing a wedding ring.

That monster is capitalism.

Ah, yes. The very monster that can put a strain on even the strongest of relationships. Don't worry, we're not talking about Kate and Willy - although if you had to see your favorite picture of you and your significant other posted EVERYWHERE, don't you think you'd get sick of the sight of you together? While we're not worried about the future king and queen's relationship, we are worried about how we will ever be able to bare the sight of them after royal wedding merchandise dies down.

Okay, let me break something to you straight: Will and Kate are not your friends. They did not invite you to their wedding. They probably think it is a little weird that you will be staying up until 5am to watch their wedding ceremony. So tell me WHY people feel the need to commemorate their wedding?! Companies are cashing in on even the most absurd of royal wedding merchandise. This is stretching beyond dolls for children. Beyond posters. Even beyond coffee mugs.

We've picked our favorite Kate n' Will memorabilia for your enjoyment and for you to understand exactly what evils the business world has brought to this earth. This is not a shopping guide. Please, for the love of God, don't buy these.

Love on Ice

No, this is not a joke. There is actually a royal refrigerator. GE appliances had their Facebook fan page vote on a design for a new refrigerator, and THIS is what they came up with. I guess we can't even blame the greasy corporations for duping the public on this one. This is their own fault.

Paper Hearts

Kate, girl, I would take this as a compliment, because they have you looking SKINNY! Although, you need to get at your man, because his swim truck bed wear is not cutting it.

Royal Getaways

Vacation packages to London centered around the royal wedding are not the only thing that travel agencies are capitalizing on. There are plenty of getaway promotions on and around April 29th to celebrate the happy couple. People will use any kind of an excuse to get away.

The wedding will be aired Friday, April 29th at 5AM central time.


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