The Top 5 Reasons Why Student Elections are Stupid

Posted by admin on Wednesday, February 29, 2012

It's that time of year again... Here's why I hate it.

5. Finances. The money put into this hulking popularity contest could probably finance an entire village of hungry children's meals for at least a couple of months. I'm not sure where exactly the campaign fund cap is, but it allows enough frivolousness for t-shirts, domain names, campaign teams, printed flyers, buttons, etc. I'm waiting for the candidates to get creative and start handing out free Starbucks tall mocha lattes in exchanges for votes. As in national politics, money is equal to power.

4. The flyers. This flyer and that flyer and that other flyer and oh hey, here's a flyer. And the flyers' evil step-cousin, on-campus harassment, and the barrage of Facebook posts by every candidate and every candidate's sister's mom's friend.

3. The competitiveness. The elections are most usually decided, not by issues, but by the obviously reliable values of the most popular candidate. Besides this practically welcomed fact, the drama that encompasses the elections could serve a MTV reality show nicely. Actually, forget MTV--CNN would have a hayday. Personally, my University's newspaper reads like a young adult novel during election month.


2. The astonishing lack of a platform. "I just wanna make campus a better place." Sound familiar? Exactly.

1. AND finallyyyyyy, the fact that after the elections, the candidates climb into an insulated Student Government shell never to be seen again (until of course, the next election). What happened to that giant moon-bounce in the library I was promised? Vanished because the bandits got away with your vote thanks to your gullible eagerness to bounce-study.



Speaking of Reality TV... The Bachelor 16: Meet the Parents, because Student Elections are basically just like The Bachelor; the man with the rose is just the University with a presidential seat, and all the cattiness in between is hilarious.


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