Today, my fraaaands, isÂ THE LAST DAYÂ toÂ REGISTER TO VOTE up hurrrrr in Texas. And while I'd like to pretend that the blue dot of Austin is significant enough to override this big-ass red state (or at least turn it purple--come onnnn), it's probably not happening. But I'm still gonna go vote my ass off come November 6th andÂ YOU SHOULD TOOOO! If you haven't been harassed enough by clipboard and pen-wielding persuaders--and MTV, naturally--to register to vote, here are a few more reasons. Because I'm obv more influential than all that bizzz.
1.Â IF YOU DON'T VOTE, YOU CAN'T COMPLAINÂ
Sorry, but it's true. If you don't even make an effort to have your voice heard via ballot, you can't bitch about what X candidate does during their term(s). That's like telling the waiter at a restaurant to surprise you and then being like "WTF--CRABCAKES?! THIS IS BULLSHIT!"Â Except these are crab cakes you're going to have to eat for the next four years. Hope you like seafood, slacker.
2. IT'S JUST WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE 18, YO
Voting is a right of passage--like driving at 16 or drinking at
17Â 21 or buying porn whenever the hell you're old enough to buy porn. And let's not pretend we don't do all those on the daily. (Just me?!)
3. IT'S A ONCE-IN-EVERY-FOUR-YEARS EXPERIENCE!Â
Like the World Cup! Or the Winter (and Summer) Olympics! That means you're only gonna be able to do it (presuming you live 100 years, can only vote once you're 18 and my math isn't too shitty) liiiike 22 times! And a good portion of those aren't guaranteed unless you get someone to wheelchair your ass to the polls. Take advantage while you can.
4.Â SHIT TAKES 2 SECONDS
5.Â EVERYBODY'S DOING IT!
You wanna be cool, don't you?! Let peer pressure persuade your ass to get to the polls!
6. PEOPLE HAVE FOUGHT (/ARE FIGHTING) FOR THIS RIGHT
Don't embarrass your ancestors because you're too goddamn lazy to get off the couch and Â break away fromÂ Breaking Bad.
7.Â BECAUSE MILEY WANTS YOU TO
And Neil Patrick Harris, and the guy that plays Serena's gay younger brother onÂ Gossip Girl's and that always-angry lady fromÂ Glee.
8.Â BECAUSE YOU'LL PROBABLY GET A SWEET-ASS STICKER
And let's be real, that shit never gets old.
9. YOU'LL GET TO UTILIZE EVERYTHING YOU LEARNED ON THE COLBERT REPORT
NATION, do you really want all those hours spent watching Comedy Central to go to waste?!
10.Â THESE MEMES TOLD YOU TO
And let's be real--there's nothing more convincing than Ryan Gosling and that smug motherf***er Willy Wonka