"Let's shove this test up the DMV's ass."
You may remember the wise words of encouragement and advice--laced with delightful amounts of profanity--spewed by Justin Halpern's dad and chronicled on his twitter account @shitmydadsaysÂ (and book Sh*t My Dad Says).
And that shit, for lack of a better word (though I probably would stick with "shit" either way), is HILARIOUS.
And now, Justin Halpern has written another book chronicling--wait for it--his love life.
"AWWW TOTEZ ADORBS!" you may think. (Or, more likely, not think.) But never fear, this isn't a sappy love story and--a la 50 Shades of Gray, which BY THE WAY was beyond terrible--there isn't much spanking to speak of. One highlight of his hilarious love--or lack thereof--life was losing his virginity to a Hooter's waitress (every guy's dream)...and thinking it was appropriate to commemorate the night with a cake when all homegirl wanted to do was watch A Few Good Men. (YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!)
There was also the period of time where every woman who slept with him coincidentallyÂ left town afterwards. Oh, and he stole a hobo's porn once. (But returned it--he's not a monster.)
ANYWAYS, all in all--you will laugh. Probably a lot. I personally disturbed a plane full of peeps while reading it on the way to Cali and cracking up every 5 minutes. (Granted, I'd had a bloody mary...or 2...and a few glasses of wine...but I'm pretty sure it was the book that was responsible for my delight. Yup, pretty sure.)
And, to whet your appetite for this literary treasure, an example of shit his dad says in response to a (very young) Halpern's fear of his future wife peeping his manhood on their wedding night:
"Trust me. You're going to be staring at your watch, wondering when this wedding is going to be over, so all these people will go their merry fucking way so that your wife can see your penis."
Because reading is cool! You're welcome.