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Posted by admin on Wednesday, August 22, 2012

You know what really CHAPS my ass? When I go to get a high-qual, high-cal ice cream sundae from my local golden-arched mecca, prepared to be transported to nirvana via soft serve, only to find that--gasp!--those assholes put the hot fudge ON THE BOTTOM OF THE SUNDAE.

Okay, actually that really doesn't bother me liiiiike at all. It's all going in the same place and let's face it--if you're eating at McDonald's, you can't really be THAT picky about your dessert. (THIS HOT APPLE PIE IS NOT JUST LIKE MAMA USED TO MAKE!??!! Obviously--it's shaped like a burrito.)

But one man in Knoxville apparently takes his sundaes seriously...and when it came to overreactions, let's just say homeboy super-sized it.

James Wilson, who apparently likes his hot fudge hot and his name painfully generic, went ape shit when his ice cream order wasn't up to sundae standards.

"The food appeared to be right, but the dessert, it had chocolate on the bottom," Wilson bitched to jurors later. "The hot fudge should be on top. It freezes up when you get fudge on the bottom of it."

So, yeah, he was justifiably concerned about the temperature of his fudge sauce. Which is totez understandable--I once roundhouse kicked this biatch who served me cold caramel. (Note: I never roundhouse kicked a biatch who served me cold caramel.)

The situation escalated from simple ice cream-induced irritation, however, when Wilson asked for a redo and he and the assistant manager apparently had a few words before Wilson's dollar was begrudgingly returned. According to reports, Wilson headed toward the exit while the manager darted over to a side door to ensure that he actually left.

And it was then, when the manager took a few steps out the door, that Wilson promptly decked him in the face, screaming--I imagine--something along the lines of "FUDGE ONNNNN THE BOTTOM?! HOW ABOUT FUDGE INNNN THE BOTTOM--I'M GONNA STICK THAT SHITTY SUNDAE UP YOUR SPHINCTER!"

Anyways, the bottom line is that he's gonna have to pay $1,050 in fines  andddd potentially even do some jail time.

Maybe he'll share a cell with the hamburglar.

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