Location

Posted by admin on Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I recently have made the alcoholic discovery of some terrible little entity called Hot Damn! The exclamation point is part of the name. I have had cinnamon schnapps before and I assumed this would be the same thing. I was sorely mistaken. This was, instead, hot cinnamon schnapps. I poured a half glass of it because I was like “Oh, I can drink this straight.†Nope. Worst. Experience. Ever. I took a really big drink to start off and it like lit my whole mouth on fire. It literally tastes like those cinnamon hard candies everyone hated as kids, except with alcohol and a lot hotter. I thought I was going to die. I just didn’t even know what to do with it. I had this whole glass full of it and I just couldn’t do anything but stare at it. I thought about mixing it with something but then I thought: what? I tried tea because I was thinking it would just taste like cinnamon tea. Nope. Still tasted like death. I tried it with a little Coke and it continued to disappoint. Eventually I grew weary of this self torture and poured the remainder out. Yes, you read that right. A college student poured alcohol down the drain. It was just awful. No feeling on earth could be worth this. Then I came to the realization that SOMEONE has to use this for something or else people wouldn’t make it. But for what? The taste will literally overpower anything you could ever put it with. You guys have to understand when I mix drinks for myself they are like half alcohol. I don’t mess around. And I think this one is too strong. So I went to the all knowing internet and this is what I found: it is used for literally all shooters. And not like “Oh, it’s like a shot where you can’t taste the alcohol,†they are the shooters that you have to DARE people to try. A lot of them even have Tabasco sauce in them. TABASCO SAUCE! If I tried any of these I literally think I would die from the awfulness. There is one drink referred to as Peppermint Pleasure where you just mix this awful drink with Sprite, but that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Wouldn’t you just use Peppermint Schnapps?
I would also like to meet the twisted person that made Hot Damn! and have a serious conversation with them about why they thought it was a good idea. There was already cinnamon schnapps. Why the hell would you want to make it hot? It just doesn’t make any sense. What did you think you were going to use it for? Did you just have some tabasco sauce that you thought needed a kick? I am convinced that no normal person would buy this knowing what it is. I think most people just mistakenly purchase it thinking it is the real cinnamon schnapps. Maybe it’s just a cruel joke by some bitter Germans meant to kill your desire to taste. The most viable theory is that it’s the German’s way of convincing us that alcohol is really bad tasting so that they can have more for their country. It has unfortunately not worked very well and the Hot Damn! plan was has probably been abandoned now. The only reason they still make it is because they make a marginal profit off of those self-destructive enough to drink it.
I have like half a bottle left if anyone wants it. I’m eventually going to try it with Sprite but I may not work up the courage to venture into Hot Damn! Land anytime soon. For now it will sit in my refrigerator, taunting me, making me feel less like a man. One day I will find a good use for it other than mixing it with hot sauces. As of now it will be like a boy/girlfriend that is really stupid but insanely hot. I will probably always hate it but I will still probably give it a chance.

Category:

Add comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether or not you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.