This may shock some, given my penchant for writing verbose, scholarly articles ripe with SAT words and complex, elegant--practically poetic--rhetoric comparable to only the Bard himself, but I...
I didn't go to Harvard.
But although I didn't attend what is arguably the most prestigious university in the nation--and, perhaps, even the world--I did just read a f-----g hilarious book about it:
It comes out on July 1st and is (as I said above, but Â now I'm using a simile to Â reemphasize my aforementioned totez illustrious vocabulary) seriously amusing...hysterical...capricious...clever and downright farcical. (THANKS, Thesaurus.com!)
Written by Harvard graduate and collegehumor.com featured writer, Eric Kester, the book centers around just what the title indicates: his many embarrassments at Harvard. The recurring humiliation doesn't take long to get started, beginning immediately on his move-in day when he gets locked out of his dorm room and has to walk-of-shame that shit (as you can see,Â I've digressed back to my usual writing style) across campus in his underwear.
Then the book progresses to other adventures. There's the cheating attempts, the goal to pee on the iconic statue of John Harvard, the time he almost-kinda-sorta came close to hooking up in the library and--really--just a hell of a lot of social ineptitude, told in a delightfully self-deprecating (NOT to be confused with self-defecating, as it is in the book) manner.
And there's a certain tale I'd lovvve to explain in detail, but I think it's best in his words--the intro to the chapter:
"Anytime you wake up at 7:00 a.m. and have to whip out your dick in front of a guy with a mustache, you know it's going to be a bad day." (Who HASN'T been there?! Preach, brother!)Â
All in all, it's a well-told, entertaining and totez LOL-inducing story of a freshman hopelessly floundering at a university that most of us (besides me, obvvv) couldn't get into even if we donated a library or 16. Â It's fun, insightful, Â pretty f------g ballsy and relatable to even the mere mortals who attend universities where everyone's name isn't followed by roman numerals. I laughed, I cried, I
touched myself was touched. All in all--I highly recommend it.
Although I DO have to add that there is one element of the story that I don't really get, and that is the author's total inability to pull babes. Because a good Google image search of a certain Eric Kester reveals that homeboy, well, he's pretttttty freaking hot. And apparently likes synonyms?! OMG WE'RE SOULMATES.
But then again, I guess a roommate with a penchant for cod cakes and breast milk is probably a total cock block.
So get your literature onnnnn and buy it now!Â Then puff-puff-pass it onto your friends, children, because sharing is caring and reading is learning.
And if you aren't 100% delighted, i'll totez pay you back.*
*I'm not paying you back. :)Â