Are E-Cigarettes Better For You?

Posted by admin on Thursday, January 26, 2012

It seems like everything is getting all technological and electric and shit these days. Books...magazines...T-Pain's voice...

And now...CIGARETTES?!

Bonus points for being soooo adorable

These "E-Cigarettes" claim to eliminate all the shitty aspects of cigarettes--the secondhand smoke, dollas down the drain, stick-to-everything straight-up stank and...uhh...cancer. Soooo what ARE they? What are you smokin'? Well, apparently it's simply water vapor laced with nicotine. So while you could just slap a patch on your ass or chew 65 pieces of Nicorette a day, you could also ween yourself off with one of these puppies.

As for the deets, the product claims to save the average smoker $1000 a year, which, my amigos, is a lottt of dinero. Do you know what you can buy with that? I'll tell you: 2000 Jack in the Box Tacos. (Two for $1.00? They're practically GIVING those things away! But that's just how I personally like to measure my currency.)

And, like previously mentioned, the scent allegedly doesn't cling to uhh...everything. Ergo you don't leave smelling your chain-smoking boyfriend's house to go to your non-chain-smoking OTHER boyfriend's house smelling suspiciously ashtray-esque. That's right--ADULTERY JUST GOT EASIER! Oh GLORY day!

But, all facetiousness aside (well--MOST--you know I can't entirely do away with sarcasm), the product also claims that its test subjects reported being able to "breathe more easily" after one day of smoking the product as opposed to traditional cigs. The electronic cigarettes also source a certain Dr. Panariello as brazenly declaring there is virtually no risk of getting cancer. (Just heart disease from all those tacos you bought with your savings.)

Now, I was pretty sold at this point. I mean, granted I've never smoked a cigarette in my life and it actually kind of scares-slash-confuses me. (waaaittt...so you inhale smoke..say whaaa?), it's always had a certain appeal. I mean, in the movie Grease, Sandy transforms from girl-next-door to smoldering sexpot with the addition of some skintight leather pants and a cigarette (that she naturally dropped and oh-so-sexily put out with the heel of her stiletto). And with the electric edge, it's like an iPod for your mouth!

Then again, my rendition of "Hopelessly Devoted to You" sucks ass and there's no way in hell I can pull off skintight leather pants, so that dream was kind of far-fetched to begin with.

Anyways, I was sitting there contemplating how I could sneakily swap out my tobacco-enthused friends' cancer sticks with a seemingly odorless, money-saving and harmless alternative, when I noticed the disclaimer at the bottom of the article.

Now, a quick word about disclaimers: If the list of possible side effects includes things roughly 10 times more serious than the problem, the switch might not be worth it. Like I'm surrrre erectile dysfunction is frustrating but Viagra's side effects-- well, actually I lied...post-Google, I've realized they're NOT that bad.  Guys, I'm sure you can deal with a headache and "facial flushing." Jesus, take one for the team.

God this turned into a shitty analogy.

But yeah, this specific disclaimer wasn't listing side effects, it was just calmly explaining (in text roughly twice as long as that of the article) that none of said claims have been evaluated or substantiated by the FDA. And that, ya know, the products still have nicotine which coulllld potentially be terrible for you. (AKA said source Dr. Panariello could essentially be as credible when it comes to physical health as Dr. Phil...or, for that matter, Dr. Dre.) Essentially, they were just sayin' they don't wanna be liable, ya dig?

But, I mean, the odorless factor still seems to hold up, and if you're a heavy smoker, it could be true that you might even save hella skrilla.

So go ahead--E-smoke away. Taking your  illicit--addicted--lover to the drive thru has never been easier.




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