Location

Posted by admin on Friday, April 20, 2012

As I type this, my book is under my elbows, opened on the page that I physically, mentally, telepathically cannot force myself to continue reading. Let's review my list of things I'd rather be doing.

  1. Try to eat air.
  2. Poke a stranger's cheek very slowly with my pointer finger.
  3. Walk every where BUT DON'T WALK ON A CRACK BECAUSE YOU'LL BREAK YOUR MOTHER'S BACK.
  4. Sing the ABC's in the melody of a Tupac song.
  5. Eat a bowl of cereal with a spoon and no milk.
  6. Type Google into Google.
  7. Make a Wikipedia page of myself.
  8. Talk to someone and wince/squint at them the whole time, like they are very bright like the sun. 
  9. Perfect my Lana Del Rey singing voice.
  10. Practice my horror movie scream.
  11. Build a watermelon castle for ants.
  12. Sweep a sidewalk with a broom and dustpan and curse at everyone who walks in my piles.
  13. Fill balloons with windex and throw them at dirty people.
  14. Learn everything there is to know about lichens.
  15. Leave a basket of fruit and pencils on a random doorstep.
  16. Eat a hamburger in a bikini.
  17. Hand out a picture of my face with an autograph to everyone I see.
  18. Learn a phrase in a different language and say it during an awkward silence.
  19. Eat tater tots with chopsticks.
  20. Seek out and marry Mike Mayhem. Mrs. Mayhem. Have little mayhem juniors running around causing mayhem.
  21. I love Mike Mayhem.
  22. Watch The Voice and throw darts at Cee-Lo green.
  23. Find a person I've never met and yell NOW YOU'RE JUST SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW and run away.
  24. Offer to file my manicurist's nails.
  25. Ask my neighbor to scratch the itch on my back that I can't reach.
  26. Frantically yell, "WHO IS THIS?????? HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER???? CAN YOU SEE ME?????" when a friend calls. #SNLskit
I hope you read this when you're supposed to be studying.
Pictures from: inthecrowds.files.wordpress.com, leighsus.blogspot.com,  bodytransformationlab.com, whillybermudez.blogspot.com
5 feet from Mel Gibson: get the gringo premiere
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